April 23, 2026 - Touch Some Grass, Girl!!
Make Your Spring Fun as Fuck by Getting Off that Damn Phone and Doing this Silly Little Side Project Instead

Heyy Bae! Do you remember when I said I’ll have more time to work on my site once I finish my exams? I take that back. Well, not entirely. I just want to spend more time outside this upcoming May, and you should too if you’re able! I’m still going to work on my website, but I think it’d also be good for me to step away from screens since I spent the last couple of months staring at one (mostly to study off of) and because I’ve spent the last maybe 6 months indoors.

I took Ecology as one of the last science courses to finish my biology major (shoutout bio majors I love bio so much) and to end the course, my prof stated that today, the average person spends 4 minutes and 36 seconds in natural spaces each day. Less than 5 minutes!!!! Isn’t that insane? I mean, I used to spend so much time just hanging out outside with my best friend after school. We’d play ponies, play pretend, ride on our bikes around the neighbourhood, just talk and literally whatever outside. I remember looking out the window as I was growing up and always seeing kids, whether they were younger or my age, just spending time outside. Now, whenever I look out the window, I rarely ever see kids, just on their own, outside. They're usually accompanied with their parents on their bike, which isn't a bad thing, but it's not the same as biking around the place with just your friends. I’m lucky to live in a safe neighbourhood, so it seems strange to see my street so desolate. Mind you, I was 7 years old or so when I spent all that time outside playing with my best friend. I’d like to think that kids still go outside to play as often as I used to. I think the kids in my neighborhood just grew up (since most of them were around my age), so that may explain why there aren’t any more kids. It still makes me a little sad nonetheless.

According to this article, people spend roughly 90% of their time indoors. I remember that when the internet got a literal chokehold on me at 11-years-old. I thought that it was much cooler to stay inside and online. BRO. Eleven-year-old me would go what in the fuck are you talking about if I’d told them to go the fuck outside because it’s much better. There is so much research going on about the benefits of going outside, so why don’t we? Well, I know not everyone can. It’s winter for literally half the year where I live, so it’s hard to actually go outside, but now that spring/summer is coming, I plan to take advantage of that! Last year, I really learned to appreciate the warmer weather. Every spring, I seemingly get hit with a ginormous wave of sadness, usually caused by external factors out of my control and last year was no different. Also last spring, I decided to do something I didn’t usually do just to try and get out of that cycle. I sat outside every morning on my back porch while the sun was out and just let myself feel the sun on my skin. Sometimes I just sat outside and other times I brought a book with me to read. Dude, I just loveee feeling the sun’s warmth on my skin. Maybe it’s just my Asian skin finally feeling what it’s supposed to feel after being locked away from the sun for so many months. The sun here can feel a little too hot, especially during August, but it isn’t too bad during the earlier spring/summer months. I also love the look of my tan skin during the summer! It makes me glow so much brighter! Honestly, just being under the sun makes me so happy hehe

GET THE FUCK OFF THAT DAMN PHONE!!!!! - A Quick Rant

You know what doesn’t make me happy, though? When people cross the street while looking down at their phone. Girl. PLEASE! How much willpower does it take to look up from your screen just so you could safely cross? Why are y’all so glued to your screens like that? It’s scary! Why are you letting a little tiny rectangle have that much control over you? Also, tell me why some little 4th grade boy at my work place once asked me “how do I spell using my phone?” so he could answer “what is my favourite thing to do?” on his all about me worksheet. Like, no little boy. (I helped him spell... but anyways) You don’t actually like going on your phone. It’s just the easiest thing to do. The time we spend on our phones/screens, is time we’ll never get back. I will never get back those 2 hours I spent scrolling on facebook marketplace in hopes of finding something cheap and exciting. I will never get back those 20 minutes I spent trying to find the perfect youtube video to watch while I eat. If you’re still on instagram/tiktok or just any app that has the endless scroll of short-form content, babe, you are not getting those 4 hours you spent DOOMSCROLLING. Nobody looks back on their life and goes I’m so glad I spent that time scrolling on tiktok just to see that funny video! That’s a crazy thing to fucking say and think and I don’t want to contribute and/or encourage the future generation to turn into mindless zombies who can’t think for themselves (#teacher). I’ll go over my thoughts about this in a future post, but for now, let’s stay focused on going outside.

Some of my favourite childhood memories involve me being outside. One memory I most remember SO vividly was when my friend decided to host a “wedding” for me and the guy I secretly had a crush on. A day or two before the set date, she ended up feeling bad about it because when my crush heard about this I think he started crying... (Looking back, dude, me2 tbh. He literally didn't want to do allat and I get that must've been super uncomfortable for him). She then had the idea to instead “marry herself” which everyone (my friends and I) just went along with it. We were in grade 6 by the way. Everybody showed up in formal attire. Someone brought cupcakes and someone else brought confetti as an alternative to flower petals. We pulled up at the baseball diamond during lunch recess just as we’d planned. Unfortunately, some grade 7s also pulled up to crash the party and someone dropped the cupcakes as a result, but that wasn’t even the worst part. On this very specific day, it was windy as HELL. While we were waiting (I forgot exactly what it was, so I guess I don’t vividly remember this part), there was a huge gust of wind. Naturally, the confetti in the designated flower girl’s basket blew away and SCATTERED all over the field. Our schoolyard was quite big so we naturally got into big trouble as well. Some of my friends went to hide in the bathroom so as to not get in trouble and one of my classmates (who was invited to this wedding) started BAWLING her eyes out because she didn’t want to potentially get in trouble for littering. Yea, yea a BUNCH of had to go to the office, but not because we got in trouble, but because we had to comfort our bawling classmate. I don’t think we got into any real trouble, but we were probably just told not to do that shit again. Anyways, that’s a memory I had that took place outdoors and one I look back on and always laugh at because that shit’s stupid as hell.

No amount of scrolling would be able to give me the same kinds of feelings I got to feel that day. The feelings I felt in that memory may have had to do with the fact that my friends were involved, BUT it literally wouldn’t have been the same if we were inside. There’s just something so liberating about being outside. It allowed our imaginations to run wild and sometimes be expressed in the dumbest ways possible (not complaining). Another dumb (and quick) memory I have was when my friends and I were in grade 4, and we were cutting out sheets of snow, pretending that they were food. After cutting them out, we’d smash the sheets of snow into each other’s faces. Although the snow stung my skin, it was still funny as hell to smash snow into someone else’s face so I guess it’s only fair.

These are memories I’ll have forever, memories no one can take that away from me. Sure, they’re mostly just me and my friends being dumb, but I enjoyed every single moment of those memories. Again, nobody is going to give a fuck if you tell them a memory of how you sat in the dark, scrolling on youtube shorts. I hope (and wish) kids today are still doing that dumb kind of shit outside with their friends.

So here, I am proposing that you find some time to go outside! As you may know from my previous blog posts, I believe that life doesn’t have to be boring and ugly when you’re an adult. I always thought you had to be boring and miserable once you were an adult because that’s just how I perceived most adults, both in fiction and in real life. Now that I am one, that’s not true (because I don’t want to fall into that kind of thinking). I have so much more freedom as an adult and I can do what I want. I can do what I want. I want (and I can) take back my time, something these phone companies desperately want to take from me. Guess what, though! I own my time and I get to decide how I want to spend it. The same goes for you too bae!!! Take back your time!!! Your time is literal fucking gold. You will never be able to get any of it back, so use it wisely! You don’t have to be stuck to your phone, girl!

A Guide to Completing the 30x30 Nature Challenge (Adapted by Rizze from CherrySplat)

I’m doing a silly little project this upcoming May in order to spend time away from my phone/screens and instead, spend time being outside. In grade 7, my entire grade had to do this assignment that spanned for the entirety of May. It was called the 30x30 Nature Challenge. The task was simple. You just had to spend 30 minutes outside and log it in a little booklet for the entire month of May (Yes, I’m aware there’s 31 days in May but 30x30 sounds better). Your logs didn’t have to be in the form of an entry, though. You were allowed to write a poem, draw a map, draw the weather of the day, make a mind-map, draw a comic about your day, as long as you logged it somehow, you got full marks for it. Here are some of my favourite pages from my old booklet!

I’ve decided to recreate this challenge for funsies and I think it’d be so cool if other people did this too! I thought about changing the name to something else, but I think the word challenge makes it sound like it's difficult and shocking, kind of like every challenge EVER now. For real though, tell me why there seems to be more dumb and dangerous challenges than fun/wholesome ones. Shoutout to the resurgence of the Ice Bucket Challenge last year. I thought that one was sweet. Anyways, For 30 minutes, away from a screen, spend some time reconnecting with the outside world. I don’t have the same supplies my teachers had so here’s my take on it.

I discovered what zines were through my coworker/friend and I thought it was sick as frick. I’m going to fill out a weekly zine about what I did each day for the entire month of May. And that's my whole adaptation. I just don’t want to go out to buy a long stapler and a paper guillotine. Also, you don’t have to follow this guide exactly. You’re free to treat this as a guide OR as a manual. The choice is yours because this is your silly little project. OK, no more unnecessary yapping in this so-called guide!

Here’s what you’ll need:

1. 5 sheets of paper - any paper works, usually I use regular 8.5x11″ printer paper
2. Something to write with - a pencil, pen, markers, pencil crayons, etc.
3. A pair of scissors
4. (optional) Extra stuff to decorate the pages like stickers & magazine

Here’s how I’ll be formatting/dating each zine:

• Zine 1: May 1-7
• Zine 2: May 8-14
• Zine 3: May 15-21
• Zine 4: May 22-28
• Zine 5: May 29-31 + a reflection

For zine 5, the final week, I’ll do my regular logs as usual on the first 3 pages and then fill the rest of the pages with a reflection on how I felt doing this silly little project! If you don't want to do a reflection, you could instead do a recap of your fav days, use 2 pages (as opposed to 1) for your remaining logs. It’s up to you hunty!

Instructions For How to Get this Show on the Road:

1. Follow this tutorial on how to fold a zine
2. Make 4 more zines and label each one with the corresponding week as I had listed above^^
3. Go outside for 30 minutes each day for the next 31 days of May!
   You could do whatever you’d like during this time! You could have a picnic with your friends, go biking, play grounders, walk around your neighbourhood, and whatever else you could do outside. Also, since this post’s subtopic is about getting off that damn phone, I’d say do something that doesn’t involve looking at a screen while you’re outside. That defeats the whole purpose of the challenge, plus it’d be boring to log “I watched an hour worth of youtube video essays while I sat in my backyard”. As long as you’re outside, it counts!
4. Log each day
   This could be in the form of an entry, a collage, a map, a comic, a poem, an informational piece, the weather of the day, a quote you like, literally anything. Each day is a new adventure Express yourself through the pages of your zine!
5. Be proud of all the zines you made!
   If you end up doing this project too, I would love to see your zines and/or creations!!
   You can email me at: ch3rryspl4t@gmail.com Happy zine making y’all!

Touching grass is so much better than having my head filled with unnecessary bullshit fed to me by an algorithm that apparently knows what I want to see. Like yessss, instagram reels! I definitely need to know how big the biggest meatball in the world is and immediately watch someone get severely injured afterwards. How did you know that I was absolutely just dying to see and know all that? I remember thinking as a middle schooler that the internet saved me. It didn’t. It really didn’t. It actually made me think being depressed was cool so I tried being cool in that way too and actually got super fucking depressed. (Performatively depressed middle school gang rise up)! While there were times I did enjoy being online, I have way more happy memories that had nothing to do with the internet. The real world, being outside, has been proven (by experience) time and time again to be so much more fulfilling than being cooped up in my room, grinding on some game that I won’t care for 20 years down the line. The key was always in my hand. I just didn’t choose to break free from the locks my phone had on me because it was always easier to just sit there and do literally nothing. It’s about time you free yourself, girl!!!!

Whenever I’m outside and away from my phone, away from the internet, I feel so much lighter. It doesn’t matter whether I’m with another person or if I’m by myself. There’s something so soothing about the sun’s warm embrace, the smell of petrichor when it rains, the feeling of smooth grass as you run your fingers along the ground, watching the ducks splash and swim at the park and seeing the bright, beautiful colours and patterns of flowers. It’s all so calming and peaceful. I’d much rather be outside and feel the wind in my face as it blows away all my stress and blows the confetti in your basket into the vast field. It’s so freeing and makes me feel like a kid again.

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

April 14, 2026 - My Hobby Stopped Being Fun When I Monetized It
Do Your Hobbies For Fun!

Heyy!! I’ve got my last exam this week and once I complete that, I plan to start making stock for my upcoming markets. I run a small business where I sell my crochet projects (original, I know). I started it up almost 3 years ago and while I’ve slowed down my activity on it, especially since I’m off instagram now, I’m still very much in the game. Yes, I have an instagram account for my business, but I only ever go on there to see if I’ve received any new messages for orders, to see what posts my sister/friends sent me and of course, to post. I’ve thought about running a website, but it's been hard to make the switch since instagram allows me to reach people so much easier. Maybe one day I’ll make the switch, but I won't for now as I have a lot to consider if I do!

Now with my small business’ 3rd birthday coming later this summer, there was this thing I wanted to go on about. This happened around the time when I was prepping stock for one of my biggest markets. I invited a couple friends to help me manage my booth. If you’re in the small-business game and doing markets, bringing even just one person as your elite employee is SO worth it. You sit behind your table for literal hours. During that time when no one’s around or when there’s little foot traffic, you get to do whatever and be a little silly just to pass the time. It’s a lot less lonesome and stressful. As I was saying, my friends were helping me at my house a few days before my market sewing/gluing details on plushies, stuffing them and just little tasks like that. One of my friends, who was learning to crochet at the time told me “Hey, if you want, you can send me the pattern for this plushie and I can help you make more of them”. This offer is kind on the surface, but something about it didn’t make me feel right. I kindly declined and although he persisted, I said that it was ok. I didn’t understand why it made me feel off, but I do now.

The idea of mass producing products and having somebody to help me make MY products for my OWN business felt very corporate-like and pretty much defeated the whole purpose of what my small business was about. Sure, they were helping me make products by doing those little things, but they weren’t doing the actual crocheting which was the bulk of the work and the service that people were paying for. Think of it like digital artists doing commissions. Let’s pretend in this analogy I’m a digital artist. Imagine you pay me for a piece and because I'm so busy with other commissions, I have my friend do a couple of my commissions just so they could help me. My FRIEND does YOUR commission although you’ve paid for MY service. Sure, the piece was done under my name because you paid for my service, but you wouldn’t (or maybe you would) know that your commission was done by someone else and not me. While you can try to replicate someone else’s art (regardless of what form it is), everyone’s style is distinct and unique to them. Again, while this was a nice suggestion, it missed the whole point of what my small business was about.

I started my business in the first place so that I could create and share my art with others (and to make a bit of money too). I learned to crochet back when I was around 8 years old maybe and then picked it up again when cat beanies were trending. I was like “oh, those look so cute! I could probably make myself one” and I did! Then, I started practicing amigurumi (making plushies) which was something I wished I was better at when I was a child. I made a couple amigurumi projects as a kid, but they all kinda sucked because I was a kid and didn’t have the “right” supplies for it. Now that I was older and had the money to spend on better materials I was able to make better plushies. Dude, I got super fucking addicted to making them. It was so much fun being able to see some cute crocheted plushie and then being able to make one of my own. I loved making plushies because it was fun. It brought me joy so I kept making them. My mom suggested that because I was making so many freaking plushies, I should start a business and sell some of my extras which I thought would be fun. I’d been to some local markets and I thought it’d be fun to “play” shop. I never went into my small business with the intention of making the most money I could possibly make. I went into it because I love to crochet. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to start a business just for the money, but you’ll be pretty miserable if that’s all you care about.

During my second market ever, I sold out of stock which was great and not so great. It was great because people loved my products so much they sold me out, but it was not so great as well because I was scrambling trying to make more stock since I There was still an hour or so left of the event. I didn’t want that to happen again, so I was instead scrambling at home, trying to crochet as much stock as I possibly could for my second market. It was super stressful and crocheting all those products wasn’t fun. Crocheting is my hobby and is supposed to be fun, so why wasn’t it fun then? Present-me can answer that question! At the time, it was more important that I had a shit load of stock instead of enjoying the actual process of making my products. I’d gotten SO lost in the sauce, man! I feel so sad for my past self. My hands were fucking aching from doing all that crocheting and my mind just kept telling me “Come on, you still have 10 more green frogs to make!!!!!”. It was during this time when I had this unconscious mindset switch that was let me share my silly plushies with people to how many plushies can I make in order to make the most money out of this event?

It reminds me of those middle-aged aunts who found out they could make a quick buck from posting reels, shorts and just any type of content on the internet. Do y'all got got that kind of aunt too? You know, they’re the aunts who're always recording everyone and everything at the big family gathering, sometimes with a voice-over of what’s going on. They edit their vertical videos on capcut or any other free editing app on their phone. When their vlogs amass 10 views, they start posting dance videos on tiktok and facebook reels, and you only know this because you overhear your mom saying look at this to her friend over the phone while you’re doing homework in your room. She gets maybe a couple hundred, maybe thousand views for each post, but she keeps making more and more because she likes seeing the view count go up because she knows exactly what that means, only to get maybe $2 from her 50 dance videos. (I don't know and frankly, I don't care about how monetization on social media works because it's usually just a performance people do to rack up some cash). If you know what I’m going on about, tell me if your aunt is still doing that. More likely than not, she probably quit that within the span of 2-4 weeks and I can tell you exactly why. It’s because she cares more about making green than she does about making quality content she actually cares about. It was never for her love of videography or dancing or whatever, and that's why she dropped it so quickly. MAYBE your aunt actually does care about all that stuff. If so, then that’s great for her. I’m cheering her on. If you don't know whether or not she does care about her work, think about this. Can you see the genuine passion and excitement in her face when she talks about her videos, or does she care more about the fact that she made a couple bucks from her last video and is extremely proud of her hard work? Girl, this is not to say that girls can't have a little fun. I'm saying that it's sad and yucky for someone to be doing all that for money. And before you say anything, I know that you gotta make money to survive, but babe, your middle-aged aunt did not get forced into being a content creator. It's my same deal with people monetizing their hobbies. Nobody is forcing you to turn your hobby into a side hustle. Truly, what happened to just doing things for fun? ...Anyways, just me?

Going back to my whole thing with market-prepping, I’m going to dive back into crocheting for my business seeing that spring/summer (market season) is just around the corner. I’m not saying that I’m not going to make a shit-load of stock because I know I will, but I plan to be more mindful of the products I make and how I feel while making them. Instead of working all day long and associating crochet with just business, I plan to set certain times for when I work and also start creating projects that are for my pleasure. I like to plan ahead, but I’m also notorious for procrastinating when the time does come around. Perhaps I’ll also set my goals lower than I usually do (which hurts to do as a high-achiever, but holy balls, maybe I really do need to chill out from playing underpaid factory worker). I think what got me burned out in the first place was the fact that I would make a trillion octopi, a million chicken nuggets, a hundred thousand kitties and ten million frogs all in the span of 2 weeks. Besides the time crunch, the repetitiveness of making the same product over and over again must’ve also had something to do with my stress, kind of like re-living the same day over and over again. I would spend my entire day literally just crocheting and then stressing over the fact that I didn’t complete my goal of however many plushies I planned on making that day so then I’d have to catch up the following day. I don’t want my hobby to be something that stresses me out anymore, but I also don’t want to quit my small business entirely because I do enjoy vending at markets. I think this is just another one of those things that require balance. Hopefully, with this plan I’ll be able to find enjoyment again in crocheting. If anything, I’m just excited to vend, see my friends and family, take out my elite employee(s) for lunch for their hard work and spend time outside after the long, cold winter!

So, here's today's takeaway: Please do hobbies because they’re actually fun for you. I hate the idea the hobby I once loved started to stress me out. The main point of a hobby is to bring you joy and decrease your stress!!!! I don’t think you should get into ANY hobby for the main reason of financial gain. I mean it’s great if it does get you a bit of money, but again, shouldn’t be your number one reason as to why you got into it in the first place. I realize now that when I do hobbies for some reason other than fulfillment, they aren’t fun. For example, don't you think it's silly for someone to be like "I want to start playing video games (or going to the gym, or collecting physical media, or reading, OR LITERALLY ANY HOBBY THERE IS) because I want to be a content creator". GIRL? What in the fuck are you saying? You get into hobbies in the first place because they are FUN!!!!!! Tell me, who in the right mind is immediately thinking "how can I turn this into a side hustle". Babe, it's ok to have fun just for the sake of FUN. Damn!!!!!! In addition, make stuff that makes YOU happy first. The hobby is literally YOURS, so make stuff YOU actually like. I picked up beading a couple months back and my local Michaels hates to see me pull up when they have their 60% off all beads sale. It feels so rewarding and satisfying to make art that pleases you and this feeling extends onto every other hobby ever. My physical hobbies, for example such as gym-ing, climbing and playing Pump It Up literally could not ever satisfy anyone more than me. Your hobbies are part of what makes you interesting! Girl, if you don’t got a hobby, please pick one up! Imagine someone asking you what your hobby is and blanking out because you don’t actually got any real ones besides scrolling on that damn phone. (The amount of people who are like this is actually quite embarrassing and sad). I want my hobbies to be activities that fulfill me when I’m not working, studying or stressing about whatever else I have going on. I want to be able to look forward to them. I want them to be something that adds on to my life rather than another thing that sucks the soul out of me.

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

April 6, 2026 - Alternative People and Sports
I’d Love to See More Emos on the Track

Haiiii!! I'm THIS close to finishing my winter sem for this year Also, DUDE, These blogs are so fucking addicting to write. I’ve been a diary/journal enthusiast since I discovered and fell in love with the Junie B. Jones series back in grade 1, so perhaps writing these posts was just always meant for me! Also this post was highly inspired by Alysa Liu's recent win in the winter olympics! You go girl!!

Note: When I say emo in this post, just know that I’m using it in the way that most people seem to understand/use the term emo. Usually, when other people call someone emo, it's usually someone who dresses in dark clothing, listens to weird, sad music and that kind of thing. Do NOT call the emo police because I know what being emo means, alright? My only credentials for being an actual emo is my love for Modern Baseball. I’M ALREADY THROUGH THE GATES SO YOU CAN’T GATE KEEP ME!!!!

Girl, I LOVEEE physical activity. I did a couple of sports during my elementary and middle years such as softball, volleyball and track & field. As mentioned in my last post (and if you know me IRL) I love my independence, so it made sense why I instantly fell in love with track & field. Team sports are alright. I just like knowing that the only person I have to trust and rely on is myself during my race. I don’t have to worry about my teammates messing this event up because they’re having a bad day or something. I mean, the track team is still technically a team, but I like it when I get to celebrate my victory because it was I who worked hard to win. I like to keep that feeling of victory and accomplishment to myself. Of course, I loved it when my team won a banner, but a group win is different than an individual win. Both are great, but I feel way more proud when I get an individual win. You know when you have to do a group project for school and you’re the only person who does work, but you guys still ended up getting a good mark because of all your hard work? That’s kind of the same way I feel about team sports. I mean, I only ever did team sports during middle school and there were no cuts, therefore everyone got to play. Not that that’s a bad thing (considering I played on the tier 2 volleyball team where all the ok players were), but be for real. A middle school team is usually made up of a couple of talented players mixed in with a bunch of amateur kids. I think my middle school did a great job making sure that no one was excluded, but I expected to get a couple Ls just because of my team’s make-up.

Besides track, I also enjoyed gym class, especially during high school. The main reason was because we played a bunch of competitive games and I’m a super competitive person. Girl, my dodgeball throw was absolute dookie, but I still loved the game. I also LOVELOVELOVE any game of tag. I don’t care if it’s mission impossible, manhunt, Ollie Ollie Octopus, capture the flag, grounders, you name the tag game, I’m a fan of it. I’ll admit though, I don’t like being it for grounders because I’m scared of potentially hurting myself. Girl, you LITERALLY HAVE to close your eyes on an elevated structure. Be so for real. Hmm! Grounders is dangerous as fuck actually, but I can’t lie, it’s still so fun to play even at my big grown age. (This may also further explain my inevitable love for track!) I also very much enjoyed the bowling and swimming field trips we went on! I don’t think my high school does those anymore which makes me sad because going on field trips get more fun as you get older. I didn’t like everything we did, though. Floor hockey, football and basketball were not at all my thing, emphasis on basketball. Actually, any kind of sport where you have to shoot some variation of a ball into a target is pretty boring and repetitive. I’m not sorry, but basketball is just not that fun, especially when all your opponents are a bunch of super-competitive basketball lovers. I guess it’s only fair because everybody hates to see my try-hard ass pull up to gym class and the teacher says we’re doing a unit on track. You know what sports I would love to get into? Snowboarding and surfing. Those sports look sick as fuck!

ANYWAYS! This post is dedicated to all the alternative (alt) people who are into sports and physical activity in general. I wish there were more people like this! Whenever I think of anybody who plays a sport, it’s usually a basic-looking cis-het person. That’s also not a diss at all on cis-het basic-looking people, but there’s just an overwhelming amount of you in sports. I mean y’all are everywhere anyways. Grade 7 was my first ever year of track & field AND it was in this same year, when I had my emo awakening. Thank you Twenty-One Pilots' Blurryface, you da realest album. I feel like it’s one of those things where if you don’t see a lot of people who look like you, then it can be hard to imagine yourself in that position. In other words, I think there’s a huge lack of representation of alt people in sports. I’m not saying that alt people in sports don’t exist because I know they do, but do you actually know anyone personally who’s alt and plays a sport? This was me by the way in grade 12 where I later went on to win MVP for girl’s varsity track that same year (do not call the alt police on me either, thanks ) I would include a photo of me from grade 8 too where I later went on to win the 80m hurdles and long jump in my category, but I don’t want to include those silly photos of younger me on here because that’d be a tad too silly! This is not meant to be me bragging, but just proof that if my emo ass could do it, so could you!!

Thinking back to both my track team in middle school and high school, there was nobody else that I knew that was alt. To be fair though, I didn’t dress or look alt at all during practice or while I was racing, so perhaps there were some alt kids, but I just wasn’t aware of it. Maybe they were thinking the same thing I was. My high school was big by the way. There were maybe 2000 kids attending while I was there, so you could imagine that our track team was quite big too, considering they didn’t make cuts. I know alt people get a lot of shit for literally existing (both online and IRL), but breh be real. Sure, in any group of people, there are bound to be some really weird ones, but as a whole, I think alternative people are some of the most awesome people you’ll ever meet (I’m biased). If anything, they're just people who like alt music, fashion, etc. in the SAME WAY other people are into different aesthetics. Would it be so crazy to think alt people could ALSO be enjoyers of sports and actually participate in them too (and also be super good at their sport)? Bro, it’s not like people are actively telling alt folk to not join sports, but I feel like it can be discouraging, especially in middle/high school when everyone is SO judgemental and mean. God forbid the weird alt kid joins any team sports.

I think being alternative AND being into any kind of sports/physical activity is cool as fuck, especially since there doesn’t seem to be a lot of people like this. Obviously, my taste in alt fashion and music as well as my love for physical activity aren’t my ONLY personality, but they are 2 big aspects of who I am as a whole. I don’t do much track & field stuff now (if my uni had a track team, you know damn well I would’ve joined), but I’ve been going to the gym regularly for a little over a year now (at the time of writing this), plus I’m a rock climbing and Pump It Up! enthusiast hehe. I’m trying to get back into running for the sake of building my stamina for Pump It Up! and calisthenics just for funsies I’ve toned down my whole alt look in comparison to previous years OR I just might feel that way because I’ve come to accept and like other things beyond alt fashion.

I know there’s a lot of alternative people in more creative spaces such as art & music, so I say RISE UP to all the alternative folks who want to get into sports/physical activity. I want to see more of you out there in these spaces because I (and I’m sure everybody else) enjoys seeing little bit of themselves in the real world. If there were more alternative people in the physical activity space, I’m sure there would be more alt kids doing team sports and all that kind of stuff. It felt super badass to be the only (if not, one of the) alt kids in my middle/high school, where everyone was basically just the same person. This is not me saying look at me I’m different and better than all of y’all because I can run and jump over a couple hurdles. I’m saying, in a world where everyone looks the same, thinks the same and likes the same kinds of things, I think it’s sick as frick if you’re both a little emo and talented as fuck in sports. Doing sports was always for me, but it also felt like this announcement to everyone who thought I was just some weirdo freak who listened to depressing music and watched Tokyo Ghoul (shoutout Rize, you da realest baddie). Guess what, girl? I’m actually good at other stuff too and not JUST the little emo freak you thought I was. I was subverting expectations without even knowing it, dude!!

I feel like alternative folk, especially kids immediately get labeled as weird the moment they start to drift away from mainstream culture. Kids really are such a bunch of little b-words who bully everyone who starts to show any sign of being different, only to pull them back into what’s deemed as cool. Dude, I say fuck that. I am here to vouch for all the little emo kids to say that they are so much more than what you think they're capable of. (Obviously), they can also be other things beyond just artists and musicians, but it can be hard to imagine that when that’s all you ever see from them. I am here to say, shoutout to all the alternative people in sports. To see people like me in sports and/or doing any kind of physical activity makes me feel so seen. You are literally proving to the world that alt folk are ALSO great at sports/physical activities. If you are an alternative person in this space, thank you. Don’t let your alternative-ness define you and keep you from doing things that you don’t see lots of people like you doing.
Be a bad bitch in sports!!

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

March 22, 2026 - The Idea of Being a Girlfriend Terrifies and Disgusts Me

Hiii! It’s almost the end of my winter term so I’m excited to put more time into writing these blog posts. These are actually really fun to write! They were kind of hard to write at first because I have all this creative freedom and could just yap about whatever. I’m so programmed to just know what I’m going to write about because of school. I also thought these would feel similar to writing diary entries, but they don’t quite capture that same feeling because I’m much more particular in my words in these posts, plus I edit these. OK onto the actual blog!

Note: This blog post is in the context of relationships between a man and a woman. I can’t speak on what it’s like to be in a non-hetero relationship (because I’ve never been in one), but I’m sure some things in this post can still very much apply to any kind of relationship. When I refer to girls/women, I’m included in that too (in the context of this blog) even though I wouldn’t actually label myself as one. This is also NOT AT ALL a diss to everybody who is a girlfriend or wants to be a girlfriend.

Being in a relationship is super fun and amazing when your partner is just someone who gets you. To have somebody who adds joy into your life is great! I’ve made many amazing memories with my past partners that I’ll never forget. I felt loved and seen while I was with (some of) them and I’m grateful to have been able to create such deep bonds with other people. That said, the VERY idea of ever being a girlfriend terrifies me and disgusts me.

You know those relationships where the girlfriend starts to become nothing but a girlfriend. As in, all she is known for is being some man’s girlfriend. Her whole personality is “MY MAN! MY MAN! MY MAN!”. GIRL!!!!! Ok, I love and support women, but (it’s never a good sign when someone says but after a statement like that, BUT LISTEN!!!) girl. You are SO much more than some man’s fucking girlfriend.

The term girlfriend means different things to people, but here’s my take on it. A girlfriend, to put it simply, is a label, usually for women, who are in a romantic relationship with another person. It’s not exactly the label itself I have a problem with, but rather everything else that’s tied to this label. The stereotypical girlfriend (in a hetero relationship) is someone who: is very feminine in terms of looks and mannerisms, submissive, is the caregiver, is the one who thinks with her heart, probably more emotionally intelligent than her man, and of course has to announce, loud and proud for the world to know that her man is her man. I am all about loving my partner and all, but dude, that can’t possibly be all there is to you, right? Please tell me that you are more than just that guy’s girlfriend. Obviously, there are things I do from my stereotypical girlfriend list. That makes me “like other girls”, but I’d never want my identity to be based on my relationship with some fucking man. Without your man, who even are you then?

If there's one thing I want in a relationship, it's to first and foremost still be seen as me. I don’t want people to JUST associate and think about me as some guy’s fucking girlfriend (because I know damn well that UNLESS he’s adamantly telling people I’m his partner, I’ll still be seen and labeled as his girlfriend). I say this like it’s the worst insult ever, but it actually is one of the worst insults ever. Like why the fuck would I want to be remembered as that guy’s girlfriend when I am literally a hard-working student, a Pump It Up! enjoyer, a hobby collector, a January capricorn, someone who never actually grew out of their emo phase, a website owner, someone who spends a bit too much time articulating their thoughts in the form of blogs, and I can go on and on about everything else there is to know about me. Being known as so-and-so’s girlfriend is one of the least interesting things about me. Like hellooo? I’d rather be remembered as being the baddest fucking e-girl who played way too much tetris and was also extremely cringe (but free) during high school. (You just had to be there). I just want and need people to know I am more than someone’s partner and always will be. I fear the idea of someone thinking or saying “Hey, isn’t that so-and-so’s girlfriend?”. GIRL!!!!! Ok yes and no, but mostly NOOOOOOO! You are perceiving me incorrectly, I must say!

I have this idea in my head that guys (I know a straight man when I see/meet one) will only approach me if they’re interested in me, or should I say, want something from me. Sometimes I can let my guard down because I can sense a real friendly interaction, but most of the time, I know there’s something up. It’s the way that they talk, what they talk about and their general vibe that’ll dictate whether or not I should let my guard down. By default, my guard is up. It’s a pattern-recognition thing. I do have a couple guy-friends (most of whom I haven’t talked to in a while now that I think of it), but I swear, almost all of them had some phase where they liked me like that. It’s whatever now because we’re past that, but still, they viewed me in a way I didn’t want them to view me in. Sure, I couldn’t have controlled how they saw me, but they could have controlled what they told me and how they acted around me, breh. The thing that bothers me is when guys view me as just someone they can potentially date. They view me as someone who can fill in that role of being their girlfriend. I know that most relationships start with attraction, but man oh man, can we PLEASE slow the fuck down? Can you want to be my friend first and then move up to wanting to date me after you get to know me? Please want to get to know me because you actually care about what I have to think and say and not because you think I'm just a pretty face. I mean, all the relationships I’ve been in have started with me and the other person being friends at first, but I know for some of them, they always had the intention of eventually asking me out/dating me. That’s not the worst thing ever, but FUCK! I wish there were more men that saw women as actual people and not some entity that'll fill in their desire for a girlfriend.

As a result of my guard always being up by default, I have a hard time letting people in. I’ll admit though, there have been so many times where I’ve thrown all that out the window because I was infatuated by some fucking dude. I WANTED to trust him and let him in just to make things easier for him. Girl… I did this a lot when I was in middle/high school because I didn’t know any better. As I get older, I’d say I’m getting better at listening to my head than my heart. It’s not a bad thing to listen to your heart all the time, but breh, I don’t like it when my heart and head don’t agree. Why is it that I’m picking between the reasonable choice and the this will make me happy right now, but I know it will eventually backfire on me later down the line, but my heart is beating so loud right now and is pumping dopamine through my veins and I can't actually see or think too clearly right now and all I want is my desire to be filled right fucking now choice? I do not intend to lower my standards and you shouldn’t either. I know what I want and I know what I deserve.

Also, here’s a quick tbh (Did y’all do tbhs during middle school too? My favourite response is any variation of “we don’t talk much, but you seem chill”). When I talk to men (who seem to be into me), I will purposely be weird as fuck or say something that I know will catch them off guard just to scare them. I think it’s actually really funny. Some can argue this sounds kind of pick me, but THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I’M TRYING TO DO. RAHHHH!!!!!!!!! DO NOT pick me TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!! Does this affect my ability to create meaningful and genuine relationships with men who may actually just want to be friends with me? Absolutely not. I hope you fear me, even if its just a little bit! One time, I was talking to this guy and we were talking about what neighbourhoods we lived in and our conversation went like: “but you could find me and maybe kill me” and I said “are you into that?”

Speaking of this whole girlfriend thing, I’m going to be Ms. Coming-Out-Right-Here-Right-Now! Sooo basically, if you didn’t know already, I’m a not-girl. If you really wanted to put a label on me just to make things easier for you, I guess you could say I’d fall under non-binary and/or agender, but not-girl is more representative of me. I feel that even the labels non-binary and agender have expectations attached to them and I just don’t like that pressure of having to do all these things in order to pass as being non-binary/agender. I know there’s no one correct way to be or look non-binary/agender, but I know that there will still be people who’ll think but you don’t look non-binary when they look at me. Please be so real, there is a stereotypical image of a non-binary person that you have in your head. If you’ve seen me, you know I look nothing like that. If anything, I best fit under unlabeled (which is still a label, I know). There are no expectations as to who I’m supposed to be, who I’m supposed to like and what I’m supposed to look like, so it’s the term I’m most comfortable using. (I also use they/them). I’m aware that I’m feminine presenting in both my outward expression and actions, but I still don’t feel connected to girl. Sure, you can say I’m just very into being “not like other girls”, but it’s much deeper than that. Honestly breh, who am I really trying to convince? You either accept me, or you don’t. Shoutout to everyone who gets what I’m going on about. That’s just how I feel.

In continuation with me and my feminine appearance and mannerisms, I have this fear in the back of my mind of not being accepted by men who try to romantically pursue me. Again, if you were to see me, I don’t think you’d automatically think “that’s a not-girl”, but I have had people tell me “hey I know something’s up with you” (their gaydar detects me so fucking clearly). As a result of guys seeing me as a girl, I just know that they have expectations or assumptions that they’ve already formed about me. There are people who keep an open mind, but your outward expression, such as the way you dress and act, is a form of non-verbal communication. More often than not, I’ll immediately get categorized as a girl because people just understand patterns in that way. I’ll also say here that I’ve only been with 2 partners when I figured I was a not-girl and only one of them took it seriously, while the other one was like whatever. As in, he still referred to me as his girlfriend, but he knew that I was a not-girl. Anyways, I’m yet to encounter a man (I hope to never encounter this type of man) who’s gone “bro that’s weird as fuck. I don’t fuck with you no more” after I've told them this part of me. Ok, but be so fucking for real though; I still LOOK like a girl and I have lady-parts so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. (You haven't lived a fulfilling life unless you've tried they/them pussy. Just saying). Obviously, I don’t just tell everyone I meet this part about me immediately because it’s not that important that everybody knows, BUT I DIGRESS.

It just feels strange to not only be called and be a girlfriend, but to also have no connection to the girl part of it all. I know that when people get into relationships, there’s no part (at least not from my past experiences) where my partner and I had to designate what our responsibilities were as the other person’s partner. It’s unspoken, but that’s the thing too. IT’S UNSPOKEN. Why is it that just because I’m the supposed girl you expect me to do girlfriend things? I will do what a loving and caring partner would do to maintain a healthy relationship, like anybody else. I just don’t want my partner to assume and expect me to be their girlfriend when that’s literally not what I am. I mean, I’ll do things that you think a girlfriend should do, like make you soup when you’re sick (I’ve never actually done this before, but this was an example my friend used so shoutout to them), but I’m doing that because I want to. I’m not doing it because you expect me to or want me to. I’m doing it because I CARE ABOUT YOU AS MY PARTNER. Please, let me just live. Let me just be your partner without the expectation that I’m going to fill in that role of being your girlfriend. Also, I know that girlfriend and partner could be used interchangeably, but there’s something different about when you refer to someone as your partner compared to your girlfriend. I have no desire EVER to be someone’s girlfriend. Once someone refers to me as their girlfriend, just know it’s so over for me. To be dramatic as fuck, hearing myself be referred to as that makes me feel so powerless. Instead of people seeing me for me, I’ve now been boxed into JUST being someone’s girlfriend. I am SO much more than JUST some man’s fucking girlfriend and the person they introduced me to doesn’t even know that. Duh, of course, they must know that I have a life, BUT DUDE UGHH!!!!! Let me tell you about myself first so you know FOR SURE that I have a life outside being some dude’s girlfriend, or partner for that matter! There have been way too many times where I only knew a girl for just being some dude’s girlfriend. Ok, sure, I guess it’s on me for not making an effort to get to know her further, but also PLEASE don’t play into the role of JUST being his girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? Stand on some fucking business and make sure people know who you are besides being his girlfriend. If you can’t say anything about yourself besides being some dude’s girlfriend, oh girl, you have a lot of work to do.

From a young age, I’ve always been proud to be independent. I’ve learned to be extremely self-reliant. I do ask for help when I need it, but I try to figure things out on my own before I reach out. When I want something, I work hard in order to get it. Everything I do is to make myself proud, first. I’ve built myself into this person that I’m proud to be. I know exactly who I am and what makes me me, so when someone says “hey aren’t you so-and-so’s girlfriend?”, I feel as though all my work to get to this point has been fucking garburat-ed.

Why is it that I worked so hard to achieve so high, only to be known as so-and-so’s girlfriend? What was all this for then? For some label? To be seen as someone who’s just filling in that role of being some man’s girlfriend? Like, I did not just learn how to juggle just for someone to say that shit to me. You might as well just call me a bitch because I do not at all and will never ever claim girlfriend. It just makes me sad when that’s all someone knows me as. I want to be remembered/thought of as something, or more so SOMEONE besides a girlfriend. I’m doing what I can to be more than just a girlfriend, so why can’t EVERYBODY just see me first for all the other great things I’ve done or can do and then as so-and-so’s partner second (or third or fourth or fifth or sixth or seventh). My partner is someone significant to me, but they’re not my entire identity. I had my own identity before them and still have one while I’m with them. I don’t want to suddenly lose my identity at the sake of being identified as so-and-so’s girlfriend. Sure, being someone's partner is partially who I am, but isn’t the thing that makes me special.
I’m still someone with or without them.

Counter for the amount times I said any variation of "some guy's girlfriend": 17

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

March 14, 2026 - Why I Deleted Instagram
The Long Awaited Explanation I Can Now Refer to Because I’m Obviously Extremely Popular and This is One of My FAQs

Hey y’all! Here’s to the long awaited blog post nobody specifically asked for, but is a question so many people have asked me (because I’m obviously very popular) and is something still people ask me. Like ok y’all one at a time! For real though, here is my whole explanation. Let me also clarify that this post is not at all meant to be calling anyone out in specific. If you still have instagram and you’re currently thriving, that's great and so amazing for you! This is just my personal experience while I was on instagram.

EDIT: Full transparency, I still have my social media accounts for my business accounts, however, I only (obviously) strictly use them for business purposes. The only time where I have to re-download insta on my phone again is to make a post with multiple photos within it. I don’t think there’s a way to get around that on the pc version of insta, so! Sure, you could say I’m technically not off instagram because I still run my business accounts, but running a personal account compared to a business account is way different in regards to what I share and how I use it. I’ve thought abuot making a website specifically for my little business, but I don’t have the money right now to pay for the domain, plus I like the ACTUAL customization feature of neocities way too much so you probably won’t catch me on squarespace or any of those website hosting platforms. I could make a whole blog post on this actually! Anyways, I also still have and use youtube and pinterest, but those are not as intimate in the same way that instagram works. Just wanted to add this to be totally honest!

To start at the very beginning, I made my first ever instagram account in grade 4. I got it just so I could potentially fit in and be seen by the popular kids. It sort of worked. I made silly videos and photos, and I’d like to think they were into them because they interacted with me, mostly online though. I don’t remember much about how that affected my interactions with them at school, but as long as they recognized me and my online persona, I was good with that. They weren’t the popular kids who made fun of the losers and were so goddamn loud and annoying, but rather had this vibe that was cool and laid-back and I wanted to be like them too in that sense. It was fun to see what new, creative, silly or aesthetic post they’d add to their feed! This was my way of potentially reaching them and the only way I could really interact with them that was low-stakes. Eventually, and I’m sure as you know, instagram then started to become a place where you could update your friends on what you were doing. It doesn’t sound too bad when it’s worded like that, but it turned more into a contest to show off who’s living their best life right now.

Fast forward to my first year of university, I was super excited to start. I was 18 and had just graduated high school. An old friend of mine said that he met so many friends through uni and I was hoping to do the same, but that didn’t happen. Well, I mean, I did meet people and talk to them, but I always knew them only at surface level. I always knew whatever they were up to because I had them on instagram, but only now do I truly understand that everything is fake as fuck online. Sure, you did go out to a party, but that is 1 singular event in your life and is not at all what defines you or your life. That seems like common sense, but it’s sometimes hard to realize that when you are constantly bombarded by how much better everyone seems to be living compared to you. At this point in time, I had been actively using instagram, every day. Like most people, I used it as a way to express myself and keep my friends and family updated on my life. Instagram was no longer a place where I could show my friends and family my silly edited pictures or funny videos I filmed over the weekend with my cousins. It’s all just performing but again, that’s not something I think of right away when I see that you and your besties went out to eat at this fancy new restaurant in the city. There was that, PLUS the mindless scrolling of content on instagram reels that I didn’t care for. There were some videos that were funny and/or memorable, but most of the time, I’d just waste hours of my day scrolling, hoping to find something funny to send to my friends. I had a couple of hobbies, like crocheting, journaling, composing music and whatever else, but I never seemed to have time to do any of them because I had so much school work to do.

For my first 3 years of uni, my typical day would be: go to school, go home to study, doomscroll, talk to my partner and then go to sleep. I lived the same fucking day for 3 years in a row and I hated it because I felt so #lonely and #empty. The only people that I actually knew or connected with at school was my partner. Sure, you don’t need a ton of friends to live, and I did have a couple friends both attending my uni and outside of uni, but I never really found myself spending time with them or talking to them all that much. I’m forever grateful that my partner was there to keep me somewhat sane, but it still felt extremely isolating and lonesome to be living the same day over and over and to have no one else to turn to.

Then in the spring of 2025, I saw this increasing trend of people deleting social media and how it literally changed their life. Yes, I was following a trend, but so many people were saying that it was life-changing so of course I had to know what was up. I also just really needed to clear my head. I’d had a tough winter semester and just needed to get away from everything. I’d gone on social media breaks before, the longest being about 3-4 months, but I wouldn't even really count it because I was still posting on my spam account and keeping up with my mutuals through there. Every time I deactivated my instagram, I always had the intention of eventually coming back. This time, I had no intention of coming back. Well, I told some of my friends that I’d see how it would be like to live without any of my socials just for a couple of months, but I never had the intention of returning. After watching A TON of those videos where people explained why social media sucks, it made so much sense to me. It was this video specifically, by Sarah Davis (on the right of this paragraph!) that cemented my statement of never returning.

Now to put it in my own words, here are some realizations I've made now that I've been off freaking instagram for almost a year now (at the time of writing this).

Number 1. I realized that I actually don’t really know or care to know what was going on in other people’s lives.

HOLD UP! Listen, ok? I mostly followed my friends, but had some people I was acquainted with or knew through school, work or however. Here’s the thing. Did I really care or need to know that some girl I used to have English with, went on vacation with her family over the summer? (No.) Good for her, but I didn’t need to know that. I don’t care. Now I have this information in my head that doesn’t serve me. Same thing with my friends (sorry friends, not calling anyone out specifically), but do I need to know RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT that you went to the mall with one of your childhood friends that you had so much fucking beef with during middle school, but it’s ok now because you guys figured things out and have matured? I don’t need to know that, or at the very least, not right now. It doesn’t directly affect me, so why should I need to know that information? All that useless information I consumed from watching peoples' stories and scorlling through their feeds filled my head to the brim. It subconsciously made me jealous of people and I was constantly comparing my life to theirs. I REALLY didn’t need to know every single one of my mutuals’ thoughts, hang-out or whatever they decided to share. I’m sure some people can read this as me being a bitch for not caring about my friends and family, but I’ll explain RIGHT NOW about what kind of information I actually care to know.

Number 2. If there is something important that I need to know, I will know.

I will know because someone will tell me about it. For example, if one of my friends is in an emergency situation, I’ll know because they, or someone, will call or text me about it. For another example, if my friend just got accepted to work her dream job, I’ll know because she’ll call or text me about it. I like to stay in the loop, keeping up with a little drama and gossip and whatever, if I’m going to be real, but I do not need to know every single moment going on in my loved ones’ lives. Imagine if your friend texted you EVERY single time she went to the mall just to tell you that she’s going to the mall. She has no intention of inviting you, just needed you to know that. Girl. That’s just not something you ALWAYS need to know, but when I was on social media, I always knew whenever my mutuals were at the mall. You know what? I actually don’t give a fuck. If you’re going to the mall with your friends from work, why do I need to know? You’re not inviting me or anything, so why does that matter to me? What’s important to me is what my friends and family have to personally text or call me about. If people don't tell me things, then it's fine. I probably wasn't supposed to know anyway. Plus, when you don't read about your friends' life updates through their spam or close friends story, it makes for great conversation the next time you guys catch up with each other. Actually talking to somebody is way different, as in it's more personal and intimate, compared to if you were just talking to the void, in hopes that your friends will see your story/post. Looking back, it was dumb as fuck for me to pour my entire self into a serious life update in the form of story or post, just for nobody (sometimes) to ask me for anymore details. Then again it's like, you already gave me everything I needed to know, so what else is there to know? When you know EVERYTHING going on in someone's life because you literally watch them live through their instagram story, what else could you guys possibly talk about when you see each other next time? Again, you already know everything, so what’s actually new? Now that I don’t know absolutely every single moment and thought that my friends and family have, my mind is so much clearer. I feel less stressed and have the space to listen to what they want to share. Ignorance truly is bliss.

Number 3. It is much harder to access me now.

I’d say it’s more of a pro than a con. It’s a pro because if you really want to access me, but don’t have my number or have any connection to me, then you’re going to have to jump through hoops just for me hehe . Like okkkk, you like me that much to want to get access to me? Thanks girl. Instead of trying to stalk me online or DM me through my instagram to hit me up, you have to physically find me and talk to me face-to-face. It forces people to talk to me in person if they want to get to know me, which I’ve found is much more real and sincere than a random person DM-ing you. Also, just a note that this works both ways. As in, now I can’t just slide into people’s DMs anymore so I have to consciously make an effort to talk to people and/or get to know them if I want to. Regardless, it makes me mysterious FOR REAL. Well, I have this entire site dedicated to who I am and I believe this is much different than stalking someone’s VSCO feed. When you look at someone's VSCO feed, you see how they live their life and how they want to be perceived, whereas my personal site is an actual representation of who I am and what I enjoy There are so many assumptions that are all up to interpretation just from looking at a bunch of pictures of a person or whatever they decide to post. I mean, to an extent, you do learn something about them and what they’re like as a person and all, but having a personal site is much more concrete. There is less interpretation, therefore there is little to no “filling in the gaps” of who I am. Even if someone were to know my name, the chances of them coming across this site, without me having to tell them, is little to none. I like that I’m hard to access, actually. People have to make more of an effort to actually get to know me because of it and I’m glad that they want to know me at all (I’d say I’m pretty awesome ngl).

Number 4. On a similar note, the connections I make with people are so much more meaningful.

Whether it be people I just met or people I already know, I am able to better cherish the time we spend together. It’s so much easier to be present and in the moment when I don’t have to worry about documenting our hang out just so I could post about it later for a couple views and likes. I found myself reaching out and talking to my friends more often compared to before. All the hang outs I’ve been on since quitting my socials have been absolutely amazing. I can put more time into the ones I have, giving them much more care and attention. I feel much closer and connected with the people in my life than I’ve ever been before. Hello, if you are my friend and know about this website, hello! You are a real one fr and I love you! I already am super joyful and glad when my loved ones make time for me, and for me to truly feel that experience of us being in the same place, at the same time, I can feel every moment and emotion deep in my freaking bones. There were so many times where I had this thought in the back of my head that told me “this moment is going to end soon, so you better enjoy it now”, but that always distracted me from actually being in the moment. So, after hanging out with whoever, I always felt as if there wasn’t enough time for me to appreciate the moment. This might be unrelated to the whole quitting my socials thing, but I haven’t had that thought ever again since I dipped so, hooray!

The way I used to keep people updated was through my spam account (or a finsta) PLUS 2 telegram channels that I essentially treated like my diary. Instead of having to specifically text someone, I’d just hope the handful of people on my spam account/telegram channels would see my life updates. I used my close friends story frequently on my main instagram account, but it was more so just silly thoughts and sharing silly posts I liked with whoever was on there. My close friends story though was not nearly as personal as my spam account. Dude. I realize now, more than ever, that people need to have PRIVACY. PLEASE. I love it when my friends share their life with me, but girl, PLEASE do not be posting your confusing situationship crash out on ANY social media platform. Text someone directly about that because you do not need that to be documented in typed-out words, for ALL your friends to see on fucking blast. If it’s me who you text, I’m glad you came to me, but if not, then that’s ok too. I don’t need to know EVERY event going on in my friends and families’ lives. I’m grateful for whatever people are comfortable sharing with me, and if it wasn’t something they told me directly, then it wasn’t something I was supposed to know. And it doesn’t matter to me because it’s not about me. It’s about them. I’m much more intentional now about what information I share with which people. It’s not that I’m keeping secrets from friends and family, but rather just sharing what people need to know about what's going on with me.

Number 5. After deleting instagram, I realized I had way less friends than I had initially thought I had.

That’s not a bad thing, but to think that I had around 250-something followers/following and the fact that I had 11 people (I counted people that I actively text in my contacts) ONLY that I actually stayed in contact with after I left instagram took me aback. I mean, 11 good relationships with people is quite a lot, but again, compared to the fact that I supposedly knew these 250-something people… I didn’t actually know those 250-something people, but it feels like I did because I watched their stories all the time. Even then, that’s not me knowing them. That’s just me watching them live. It’s ok to be just acquainted with people, but again, I really did not care to see all these people live their lives because they weren’t actually that important to me. I am better now at focusing my attention on the relationships I currently have rather than trying to figure out who that guy from my high school gym class is soft-launching on his story. The relationships I had before AND after my social media departure feel much deeper and meaningful to me. I’m glad to have them!!! I feel so much more loved, seen and appreciated by people I actually care about

Number 6. I didn’t expect this one, but I became SO freaking social.

I used to absolutely suck and dread social interaction, and I’m still not perfect, but I have improved so much compared to my first year of uni. This wasn’t something that came with quitting, but was something I actively improved on because I knew that I wouldn’t feel any better by continuing to isolate myself and fear whenever it came to talking to new people. Plus, I decided to say fuck you to social media, so I just had to become social as an outcome. It’s been working great, actually! More specifically, instead of just wishing I could go to these fun events at school and wishing I was social enough to potentially make friends while I was there, I took it upon myself to actually do something about my wishes. I enjoy both the idea and the actual action of connecting with people, but I was always afraid that people would judge me so I was quite literally stuck, FOR YEARS, just yearning to connect with other people. Instead of putting on a facade of being cool online, I forced myself to be cool in real life by actually talking to people and presenting myself to them, for lack of a better term. If anything, I still get a bit nervous every now and then when I do find myself having to be social, but it’s not as bad as before. This took me so much practice. I know if I hadn’t done this, I’d still be the same, sad person I was at the beginning of uni. People are actually much less judgemental in uni, plus I believe people don’t really care anymore about fitting in as much as they did in elementary, middle and high school. If I’m going to be real, I watched a shit ton of videos about how to talk to people, how to be more memorable, magnetic and just be someone people would naturally gravitate towards (so I'd have less work to do when it came to approaching them, but also) because I wanted to be someone better. I didn’t want to re-brand my whole identity because that feels like me trying to be someone I’m not at the sake of being accepeted by others. I wanted people to accept me already for who I was. Instead, I wanted to be more of me than I already was. I think I'm pretty funny and have a great personality and all, but people can't see that if I don't show that. This was one of the first videos (to the left of this paragraph by Henry Grey Earls) I watched and have watched so many times because I enjoyed it that much. Also, before you say anything, it worked for me alright? If you knew me IRL before reading all this, just know my magic has worked on you.

Again, I used to dread social interaction and for a long time I just believed that I'd always suck at it. The thing that sucked more though was that I showed myself the evidence time and time again that this statement was true. It wasn't until I flipped that on it's head, by thinking instead that I was a social person. Obviously, it wasn't as easy as just thinking that. I had to collect evidence that I was indeed a social person by putting myself out there and interacting with people. And guess what, girl? IT FUCKING WORKED!!!! The more I practiced and did things that a social person would do, it became my reality. Like ok Ms. Self Fulfilling Prophecy!

Here are two things I've realized about being social. I just have to make my move before I overthink things and there is nothing truly high-stakes with most social interaction. The part that I feared most was making a bad first impression, coming off as weird or saying the wrong thing. Now that I don’t worry about fitting in or being accepted by everyone I meet, I’ve just decided to just be myself. EASIER THAN IT SOUNDS, I know, but it takes a bit too much work for me to figure out what the right thing is to say to certain people. I try to just go with the flow during the conversation and see where it takes us. If you like me, great! If you don’t, great! I'm still going to be #me at the end of the day.

Also, DM-ing someone is so much easier than looking someone eye-to-eye and saying hey. When you DM someone, you’re hiding behind a screen and the other person does not have to respond to you. They can delete your message and pretend like nothing happened, whereas if you actually go up to someone and say hi, more likely than not, they’re going to say hi back. Like, girl. You have won at that point. You said hi AND you got noticed by the other person (because it’d be rude to not say anything back). Even if the interactions are brief, I love it when people see me as a person and I’m sure other people feel the same way. I now greet the bus driver every time I board a bus now XD!

Number 7. For my final point, life is so much brighter and colourful.

To be dramatic, getting off socials was like putting on colour-enhancing glasses as a colour blind person. Every moment and view I take in is so beautiful and lively. I appreciate the little things much more than I used to. For example, one of my favourite parts about school is walking from place to place. Feeling the cold wind against my face and watching the snowflakes gently fall used to just be another winter-y day, but now I see and feel it as such a delightful little experience that no one else can feel in the same way as I do. I love it when the sky is clear and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and the crunching of snow beneath my boots. I love looking out the giant windows while I’m going up the stairs at my school’s gym and seeing the blowing snow on a windy day. Being at school used to be bland and boring, but I guess that’s because I wasn’t actively looking and appreciating what was already in front of me. Now that I can’t get my quick dopamine hit from doomscrolling, I’ve got to get my hits someplace else. The thing is though, is that I don’t think I’d be able to appreciate these little moments if I was still on instagram. You see so much stuff from viewing people’s feeds and from doomscrolling, so when you’re out in the real world, it’s like oh, that’s actually not that impressive or cool BECAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN SO MUCH SHIT, what else is there that could possibly make you feel something. To really understand this feeling, you need to get off social media for a couple of months or so, or even for like a week! Seeing the world while using social media and then seeing the world after quitting is literally a night and day difference (like what Reece Daniels said in this video to the right)! Everything used to be so much more fun when I was younger and my life doesn’t have to be ugly and boring as I get older. It can be hard to see life in the same way you used to as a kid, but the goal is to not see the world again in the same way you did when you were a child, but rather continuing to appreciate every moment as they come.

As I had mentioend, I had a shit winter semester last year and then had to deal with some personal issues, yet I was still able to have one of the most memorable and greatest summers ever. It wasn’t like anything super grand and special happened. I think you’d agree it was a pretty average summer compared to my other summers, but there was something about it that made me feel like everything was going to work out in my favour. It was as though the summer of 2025 held me in its arms and told me that everything was going to be ok and it was so fucking right because I was living and I still am! To be dramatic again, I believe if I hadn’t deleted instagram last spring, I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate my last summer as much as I did. It would’ve been just another summer.

To conclude, abandoning my socials was scary, but was not as scary as the idea of letting my life unfold without me taking any care to notice or appreciate it as a whole. It was hard not to compare myself to everyone I followed, even if some of these people were (some still are) my friends. There have been so many times where I envied people for things like being in the most perfect relationship, seeing people hang out with their friends so often, having a tight-knit friend group, people having all these fancy things and whatever else got me thinking I was being left behind. I hated that feeling. I knew that nobody was trying to specifically rub their great, fantastic life in my face, but it definitely felt that way. I wondered why was I not worthy enough to have good things? Why was I not achieving or living as great compared to everyone else? Sure, call me a loser, but you are LYING if you’ve never felt that way after seeing someone’s story/post before.

Quitting social media truly was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I know that it started with me just following a trend, but it's one of those trends that stuck with me and I'm glad to see where it has taken me and the person I've become . I’m much better at focusing my energy all onto myself because I have no reason to be focusing it on whoever’s insta-post I see. Being off socials has helped me tremendously feel more in control of my life (shoutout capricorns). I get to choose the type of content I consume, I have more time to indulge in my hobbies, I no longer carry this jealousy I had for people I consider myself close to, I am extremely mysterious, I’m more open and comfortable talking to whoever and I’m honestly just glad to be alive, and feel #alive! Ever since I stopped watching everyone else live their lives, I’ve started to appreciate and focus more on my own life with a clearer head!

Many great things have come out of deleting instagram for me and to go back is to return to being the person I once was. This is my ginormous fuck you to instagram. You had a literal chokehold on me, for YEARS, and I thought that I was always going to be in the shadows of everyone else’s great moments, but guess what? YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD TO ME AND I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! I no longer worry about missing out on anything or thinking that things could be better because my life is already so full of love and joy and greatness. Everything and everyone that enters my life is a new experience, and I now understand is the thing that adds colour into my life. Moral of the story: touch grass for real, girl.

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

Feb. 16, 2026 - No More Situationships

Hey!!!! Before I begin, happy belated Valentine’s y’all! Hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s day, regardless whether you spent it by yourself, with friends or with your special someone

I wanted to come on here to talk about the word situationship and how I dislike the term as a whole as well as an alternative term to use instead. First off, I know people have different definitions for this term, so here is how I define it as and how I will be using it in the context of this post.

Generally, a situationship is a relationship where both parties are attracted to one another, are not in an official relationship. An official relationship meaning that both parties claim the label boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc. The word situation itself has this negative connotation, so to be in a situationship sounds stressful. I acknowledge that not all situationships are bad, but when you use the word to describe a positive relationship you have with someone, it doesn’t serve that other person right. Imagine having this amazing bond and connection with a person and then telling your friends that you are in a situationship with them. It doesn’t sound right or feel right to say out loud. I feel that most people would agree too that when they hear the word situationship, it usually means it’s complicated or it should be viewed as something bad. Therefore, I propose that we instead use the term that I used to use while I was still in grade school because it sounds much nicer! It has the exact same definition as situationship, but has a more positive connotation! This term being mutual understanding or m u for short.

Call your relationship with people whatever you want, but don’t you think it sounds so much greater to have a mutual understanding with someone than to be in a situationship with them? To really break it down, the word mutual, as defined by Oxford dictionary is “(of a feeling or action) experienced or done by each of two or more parties toward the other or others”, in this context meaning that both parties experience this attraction towards one another. The other part, understanding, means that both parties interpret this relationship in the same way as the other person. The very words in this term already have a more positive connotation than situationship, making it the more superior term!

There is also this tone of maturity in mutual understanding as well. When you say that you got yourself into a situation, 9/10, it usually means that you got yourself into some dumb shit you had no control over. Whereas, if you were to tell me that you and another person have a mutual understanding of the current position you are both in, it sounds like you know exactly how and why you got yourselves into that position in the first place. Although I said “you had no control” when describing what it’s like to be in a situation(ship), you actually did have the choice of putting yourself in that situation, it just wasn’t a good one. AND YOU KNOW THAT!!! Girl, I know there’s this whole thing with people self-sabotaging themselves, and to that I say, that is dumb as fuck. If anything, you are a queen and don’t deserve that life, so don’t do that shit willingly to yourself, PLEASE.

I just hate the term situationship as a whole. It sounds childish and dumb. That said, if you are in a bad situationship, use situationship, because that, I can understand. If you’re in a good situationship though, please don’t call it that. You deserve more than to be in some ugly situation; you deserve to have a mutual understanding with another person, where you both are on the same page! Please no more situationships! Please use the terms, as I have defined them, correctly, acknowledging the connotations for both terms! I know relationships aren’t always that simple, but for this very specific instance, it is, especially if you know what you both want in the end. You are two people who are attracted to one another, but are not ready for the official relationship label yet.

You are NOT in a situationship. You are in a MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl

Jan. 13, 2026 - Surprises

Hey! I celebrated my birthday recently and I’m now a year older! I spent my morning going to church with my family and the pastor who’s usually there, wasn’t there because he went on vacation apparently.

Just a note, I wouldn’t say I’m religious. I rarely go to church, but when I do, I find myself getting sleepy when the pastor starts going on about a story in the bible. I wasn’t sure how to feel about the substitute pastor right until he went on about surprises. The usual pastor goes on about his interpretation of a story in the bible and then makes real-life connections to it, but dude, whatever the substitute pastor was going on about, I was eating up.

He talked about how as a kid, surprises were always a thing that was fun and exciting, but as we get older, that joy of surprises starts to fade. That fading has to do something with the idea that as we get older, we have more experiences and are therefore less excited when surprises do arise since we’ve already done all that living.

He challenged that idea and said that maybe we should be more open to these surprises. As in, instead of always just expecting that that’s just how things were supposed to be, maybe we should be more appreciative of those surprises that come our way. Life will always continue to surprise me, so why should I stop getting excited over them just because I’m getting a little older?

I think I might have already been doing this unknowingly, but sometimes it’s nice to get reminded. I feel as though my life has just been so much more full because I’ve been more accepting and open to the people and experiences that come my way. This past summer, especially, was one where I experienced so many surprises. If I really think about it, perhaps all my past summers have been like this, where I just experience all these new things, but don’t really appreciate or think about them. I was more intentional about the way I thought about people, events and just anything new that came my way.

I also had this thing going where I was taking “risks” or just doing stuff that “scared me” and dude, regardless of what happened, I was fine every time. It was amazing and I felt so alive. Dude, I think I was getting this high from the anticipation of what was going to happen next. For example, I absolutely dreaded any type of social interaction, but once I learned how to talk to people, I got excited that I got to know them a bit better. It got easier the more I did it and I made some new friends along the way hehe. Once I started thinking and seeing things through a lens where life wasn’t actually out to get me, my life literally started to take shape into one where I was so glad to have woken up the next day because I knew it was going to be another new adventure for me. It is so fucking true when you believe in something, whether be it good or bad, it will fucking manifest. Holy shit, dude.

Now that I read this a second time, boy, does this sound cheesy as fuck, but I’m also perhaps a giant cheese-ball. Anyway, life continues to surprise me because I acknowledge things as they are and go “hey, I did not expect that” and it helps my days all feel distinct from one another. I used to be in this constant cycle of living the same day over and over, and maybe I still am, but if I intentionally do something to make them all feel different from one another, it works, every time. I don’t know how my day is going to go, but I can definitely plan for it and just see what happens.

I quite literally get surprised by each day and it’s a wonderful feeling to see my life not as a mundane cycle where I’ll eventually die, but rather a series of new adventures where I don’t know where I’ll end up. This then of course is the lead to my next adventure and that’s the cycle I’m pretty much in right now. Kind of like watching an episode of any show. The show is fun to watch because the characters are always doing something different in each episode, like some wacky or stupid shit. You want to keep watching the show because you think “what could possibly happen in the next episode”? Be open to surprises, man, and then adapt. Anything could happen. Like in a show! Shoutout to the substitute pastor for that reminder that I am living right now for realsies.

Thanks 4 reading & take care always, girl